What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
