it was like a zeppelin in a condom
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
