what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
