Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
