I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
