How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize