If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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