You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
