My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
