I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
