i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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