I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
