Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
