She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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