i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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