Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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