Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
