i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
