Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's always time for handjobs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
