I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
