i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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