You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
