This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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