First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
