Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
