just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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