Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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