the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
