Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
