Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
