i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
