i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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