i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
