I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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