I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
