I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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