dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
