so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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