OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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