my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
