you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You pole danced in your parka.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
