the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
