Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
