You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
