Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
