I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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