They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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