I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
