Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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