awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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