Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
