I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My life is pants optional.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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