so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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